3

The same question remain, of what is love;

an illogical, akin to faith;

which us all realize, and yet cannot be absent of;

and thus just like it,

maybe it was also just a thing, meant to help us pass this worldly journey.

Yes, i believe so.

2

When the sky is clear enough, when storms are ceased,

i can see the way i would be in the bright days.

But the stormy days too, are telling me,

the things i see deep down - rarely, i let them see the light.

1

 There are no such as thing, as being too much of you in this world - and i can agree to that;

and yet we do sometimes, done things 'too much',

and thus this is became paradoxical. But i guess, its just a matter of being adaptive and being human, 

and so there are none to worry about.

a

yeah; life is ... as with trust, just a ride on thing. you just have and will do it naturally, often unrealized as the days went. In both, failure doesnt meant you are the only one to blame, or you're the one foolish enough to let it happen. it just, that.

everyone is ...

gonna have struggle w/ somebody else even when theyre very good w/ themselve or people;

will have boredom even with the most perfect life and people;

and,

gonna have fear or doubts regarding their own life and choices, no matter whom and what theyre with currently.

yeah, idk, it just kinda heavy.

.

I like being cryptic liek this while im not doing it as much as well. A layer - layer of veils.

.

 When i was alone, i wonder what should i felt about having your scent amidst the thin smokes i blew. In the silence amidst the night, i quietly try to feel it; i couldnt really grasp what i sense, but i like that all those are ours.

Stupid ass

Nothing is easy in life - i know, i know it well enough already. Nothing is granted; you have to fight for it - prior, after, and forever. Sometimes life do push you until the edge, force you to bite, force you to fight, to take arms; what is it all for? Though i know as well of the reasons and everything, let me say it; its sucks. Isn't it tired to live? Yet that is all about of living.

I just want a piece of an eternal piece; cant one have it amidst their time of living as well?

.

 What a hassle, a hassle, annoyance.

Apa ya yang sedang kupikirkan; namun aku tak lupa, hanya saja saat terpaan itu sudah berlalu - seperti segala hal yang berserakan - semuanya juga dengan cepat terbawa olehnya; dan saking kacaunya aku pun hanya dapat melihat dalam samar-samar.

Jika kutuliskan, hal terdalam yang ada pada dasar diriku, mungkin kau telah bisa menduganya; mungkin kau akan kecewa, mungkin kau akan terkejut. Aku ingin mengatakannya - aku telah berulang kali mengatakannya; aku selalu, mungkin selamanya, tetap demikian.

.

Aku tahu tentang segalanya - aku tahu tentang cinta yang tak lain juga adalah benci. Aku menyukai apa yang ada pada dirimu - aku membenci apa yang ada pada dirimu itu. 

Aku harus selalu menghadapi perang yang panjang, aku harus selalu memilih untuk terkadang kalah dalam pertempuran namun demi kemenangan dalam perang. Mungkin memang - dan aku tahu - memang akulah yang terbaik pada hal ini. Namun aku lelah, tak pernahkah kau tahu? Telah hidup dalam waktu selama ini dan harus menghadapi segalanya seperti ini, aku muak. Aku muak!

Aku mampu menciptakan. Aku menciptakan hal-hal terbaik dengan memanfaatkan perasaanku yang tak karuan. Aku menciptakan seolah segalanya dalam tragedi; bukankah aku seorang yang pun dramatis?

Namun tidak ... aku hanya menumpahkan, aku hanya membagi serpihan-serpihan jiwaku padanya; konsep yang sama, seperti pada peran seorang antagonis dalam film yang kusukai bukan?

Seringkali manusia itu simpel; naif, lugu. Apa adanya. Segalanya tak selalu hitam dan putih sejak awal - termasuk pada diri tiap manusia - tak seperti apa yang seringkali digambarkan dalam karya yang kita buat.

Juga, dan karenanya, memang banyak sekali hal yang berada dalam luar dari batas daya kita; karenanya terkadang kita hanya bisa bersandar kepada-Nya yang Maha Kuasa; kita hanya bisa berharap, berdoa, menerima, melakukan apa yang daya kita mampu; juga dengan terpaksa menaruh sebagian dari daya itu pada tangan orang lain - dan aku sangat membenci hal itu.

A Summary

I was thinking about, some nostalgic things; everything from the way i felt that day, the familiar series, and some other thing i have forgotten now. Maybe about some scent too.

This is just one of the fun - despite kinda melancholic too - thoughts i got whenever im near my period.

Also today, when i wrote this, i remember as well ... about how short our life is; though a lifetime felt like forever as well. I cant believe im here at the moment, as well as i too cant believe when my life is near its end.

Aside those above, i too felt weird - of how i can live 'till now like i did. Things i've made, things i've felt, i thought; everything is just like a drunk man's deeds. Maybe, maybe i am always like so - hahaha. Still im proud of all of it, of what i've been through and all.